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Our close companions with a woman, who has faced and conquered many hardships, which I admire. Yet, she has been repeatedly taken by surprise by people. Her spouse walked away, and it was a massive blow. A lot of her social circle vanished during that time, as they were drawn to him. It shocked her. She put in more effort toward our bond, and must have realised more acutely the essence of true friendship.

The Pattern With Friends Drifting Away

In the time since, many close to her have disappeared without her being certain of the reason. The company she worked for became hostile, although she had been highly competent, her exit happened without knowing why things shifted.

Current Dynamics

Lately, we have each stepped back from work and are seeing each other more, but I am finding my position between us feels one-sided. I open topics of conversation but she shifts the talk toward what interests her. Regarding political views, she expresses strong opinions. I try to suggest factchecking and alternate views.

She is organizing a trip to a country I've visited many times even called home for a while. I tried to provide advice, however, my input not welcomed. She purely only wanted validation of her plans. I have ended a month in that country she is eager to reconnect, but I don't.

Considering the Choices

I don't want to be a friend who cuts and runs without explanation, however, I feel she will ever understand the impact of how she acts on how I feel about myself. At this point, I find myself in avoidance mode. How should I proceed?

Ways Forward

It's possible to cut and run, however, that approach is seldom a smooth outcome we hope for. Yet having a direct talk with a view to resolution takes courage and openness from both people.

Experts suggest trying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"The first step is to state what typically happens when you talk. Aim for this to be as factual as possible and essentially what a recording device would replay. Next is to express how this affects you emotionally. Ideally, there's no argument here. Emotions are valid, of course. Step three is to ask how the two of you going to change the dynamics in your relationship."

Keep in mind she too has her own side, thus requiring you to remain ready to listen to her. An approach that works is to say to the other person:

"It's your turn to speak and I'm going to listen without interrupting for half an hour."

This can be effective for promoting mutual respect.

Closing Considerations

This person may dismiss everything, for those who cling to a “survival narrative”: they have a story about themselves they're unable to let go of since their identity relies on it and it represents they trust. It's tough as there is no clear path with these people, just dead ends. But she may at first react like this then consider your perspective. And should you don't achieve a fix, it will give you peace that you've been truthful.